By Funmi Akingbade
A desired marriage is not complete without adequate plan for a better and fulfilled sex life. Sex remains a potent tool to forge lasting relationships between couples and good sex life will help prepare them to face challenges.
For married couples whose sex life has taken a dip, this article presents another opportunity to rediscover the magic that once kept your hearts fluttering with joy. The cheery news is that great sex is still attainable. To make this possible you will need to consider the following tips:
Make sex hot
Do you know that the hotter the passion, the better the sex? There are different ways to tell your partner how much you enjoy sleeping with him or her. Sometimes the way you talk about sex or demand for it; the way you respond to your partner’s advances or the things you do to your body in order to look good could go a long way to keep the passion in your relationship hot and sizzling.
When there is a mutual desire to jump into each other’s arms and roll together in the hay, a couple would always be willing to go the extra mile to ensure that they both have the best of sex. There is nothing wrong in flirting with your spouse. If anything, flirting could spice up your sex life a little. If you are the wife, you should form a habit of flirting with your husband all the time. When you put on your alluring airs, you are indirectly telling your husband that you are always interested in his sexual prowess. Men often react positively to this kind of attitude.
The way you look at your partner is also very important. This is because glances could generate an exchange of sexual energy. Dressing seductively could eventually get your husband fired up sexually, even though he would pretend initially not to notice. Any woman that is serious about winning the attention of her husband ought to keep a sexy kit handy and make sure that all the items are available anytime, anywhere and at strategic points in the car, kitchen, and bedsides.
Most men are frequently under sexual pressure and an average man thinks about sex at least five times a day. It does not matter whether you are newlywed, you are a nursing mother, or you are a menopausal bride. What matters is that you must treat the nuptial bed like a bona fide business or make it one. You can even be a little mysterious sexually. The fact is that if a wife arouses her husband’s curiosity, it is guaranteed that the man will always be back against all odds. Statistically, the average man gets bored easily sexually. Voice your sexual fantasy; practice it with your spouse
It is not strange to create sexual scenarios in your mind. However, the best way to relive these scenarios is to share them with your spouse and practice them with her. Experts say all living beings have sexual fantasies, in which an individual imagines himself enjoying erotic moments with his or her spouse in strange places at strange times and so on. Sharing sexual fantasies with your partner is a way of heightening and intensifying erotic potential by showing your spouse possibilities that he or she has never considered before. In turn, this will open the door to a lifetime of sexual ecstasy.
Most times, spouses underestimate how powerful they become if they can fulfil their partner’s unrequited fantasy. The point is that if your partner has been dreaming about something all of his/her life and then you help make it a reality for him, the chances are that you will definitely inspire him to display incredible loyalty and devotion to you. The advantage of these fantasies is that they give room to aggression, assertiveness, unpredictability and impulsiveness that creates fun, excitement and expectations; which in turn eliminate boredom. Bear in mind that an average human being loves changes and dislikes monotony, even in marriage.
Giving your spouse great sex is important
Great sex is like a basic chemical reaction between two married lovers. Love and great sex are like chips and ketchup. Giving your spouse great sex is like pledging your eternal allegiance to him or her. It is like vowing to make sure that he or she experiences an orgasm for the rest of your life, to create a lasting sexual atmosphere and environment, and to ensure that his or her desire comes first.
Although most men dislike longish foreplay, they are aware of the fact that control is essential during lovemaking and that most women think wonderful sex should be full of slow foreplay and should last long.
Remember that the best sex lasts between seven and thirteen minutes. According to a study published in a journal, medical researchers who surveyed people’s bedroom preferences says two minutes is too short, three to seven minutes is adequate and 30 minutes is too long.
Good sex frees couples from stress; sex will be sweeter when stress is out of the way. How well you sleep will determine whether you will enjoy stress-free sex or not. Bad sleep plus bad mood equals poor sex. That is the equation.
The best thing is to go to bed at the same time every day and to avoid watching the TV or listening to the radio just before bedtime, as they stimulate your brain and will keep you awake. It is not advisable to eat heavily before going to bed at night or your digestive system will do overtime work that will keep you awake for a longer time than necessary.
Take a good bath always. Everyone knows that a cold shower starts you off to good sleep and even in the morning, for good sex. When couples are smelly and repulsive it is, actually, the sticky sweat that produces such and the simple antidote is a good bath.
It is advisable to dim the light when you are about to sleep because it will help put your eyes to rest and put your body on wind-down mode for better sex, hours after.
Then stay off sex for a while, in order to create freshness and sparkle in your relationship, both of you can decide to stay off sex for a period of time. Indeed, a ‘sex-fest’ could be helpful, in terms of preserving the warmth in the bedroom and affection. Besides, it will revitalize, restore and create a reconnecting sexual experience.
Exploring partner’s body turns marriages around
Recently I met a gentleman named Mr. Collins who told me he was having a problem satisfying his wife in bed. He said, “I love my wife very much. My problem with her is she hardly enjoys sex with me.
“I am in my early fifties and I hardly stay up to thirty seconds before ejaculating. Most of the time, I would finish before my wife begins to enjoy the act. This is a problem that is threatening my marriage. What type of drugs or cream would you recommend that can enable me to stay long enough to satisfy her in bed?”
Most married men often make the error of assuming that as long as they can ejaculate within 30 seconds of penetrative sex, they have performed an extraordinary feat. What they do not know is that 30 seconds is too short a time to give a normal woman the pleasure that she deserves in bed. Certainly, no sincere and genuine woman will tell you that she is able to achieve orgasm in just half a minute of sexual intercourse.
It was obvious that Collins sincerely wished to please his wife and his inability to stay long enough to guide her to climax was no fault of his own. However, I had to let him know that it was the root of his marital crisis. Every woman needs her man to hang on tight until she achieves climax that is the way a woman is made.
The truth is that, like most men, Collins did not know enough about his sexual responsibilities. He was ignorant of the fact that it was a man’s duty to please his wife in bed and men who fail to do this stand the risk of being treated with disrespect by their wives.
I had to explain to him that the reason why his wife’s organ was unusually tight was that she was not properly lubricated before penetration. All that he needed to do to get her wet and ready for actual penetration was to indulge in extensive foreplay.
Of course, the real problem was not that Mrs. Collins’ organ was too tight for her husband; it was because he had become too sensitive and easily aroused by the prospect of having sexual intercourse. By the thrusting in and out of the woman in this condition, any man would most certainly ejaculate within a very short time. Such a condition is called Premature Ejaculation, which is usually a sequel to CPR. CPR normally causes ejaculation within 30 seconds and women need more than 30 seconds action to climax.
Although he did not know it, like most other average people, Collins was actually afflicted by Chronic Prostatitis (CPR).
The bitter truth is that Collins and others who suffer from this ailment are literally denying their wives the best sex that is due them. The reason why Mrs. Collins is reacting negatively is that her man leaves her sexually unfulfilled after each bout of lovemaking. Since she hardly understands what is happening to him, she thinks that he is deliberately denying her sexual enjoyment.
Considering the fact that Mrs. Collins even went further to teach her husband what to do, it won’t be out of point to conclude that she has done her best to find a solution to the problem. However, it seems that her husband, obviously dulled by the fear of contracting a disease, is slow to appreciate her sacrifice.
I have said before that married couples that are keen on saving their marriages ought to take pleasure in exploring each other’s body extensively before launching off into penetrative sex. Since men naturally respond faster to sexual stimulus than women do, not many of them know how to satisfy their wives in bed. Such men will have to learn to slow down a bit. Secondly, they must understand that indulging in foreplay is a fundamental pre-requisite for a fulfilled marital life.
Unfortunately, most men do not feel any need for foreplay. However, their women do and they need it as they would need a life jacket while at sea.
My final words to Mr. Collins and other men afflicted by Chronic Prostatitis: get treated so you can last longer, discuss things with your wife and apologise for your sexual inadequacy. Since you both need to fully understand the dynamics of sex, see a counsellor/ therapist, doctor or sexologist.
Benefits of sex for your mind and body
“How you feel about sex, to begin with, is shaped by your brain,” says Dr. Gloria G. Bramer, a Georgia-based licensed clinical sexologist. “Feeling sexy is the best gift you can give yourself, beyond improving your immune system and all of the other health benefits. There is nothing like feeling positive about your body and your sense of sexuality.”
Sex makes you sleepy
“The sexual release you have after having sex actually helps you sleep better at night. The surge of oxytocin that happens with a climax will make you fall asleep easier and faster.”
Sex makes you happy
This may not be a miraculous medical discovery, but happy couples are often the most sexually active! In a recent study of 4,000 couples, those who had the lowest stress and best overall mental well-being were those who were the most sexually active. They also had the most sexual interest! Have sex, be happy. Be happy, want sex. I like this correlation.
Sex will boost your self-esteem
Some couples say they do not need it, but sometimes it is nice to have good sex, especially when it comes to our body. Having sex boosts couples entire self-esteem, not just their body image. The more positive sexual experiences one has with one’s spouse, the higher your self-esteem will be. Practice makes perfect!
Sex gets rid of cramps
Having sex may be the best way to relieve menstrual cramps. Many wives say that by having sex, they not only get instant relief from their cramps but also from other PMS-related symptoms
Use it or lose it
“When it comes to sex, especially as women get older and reach menopause, couples are afraid to do it too frequently. They think if they do it too much they will become dependent on sex, and this is not true. Sex is a case of use it or lose it; as wives get older and reach menopause, the vagina can atrophy if it’s not put to regular use.”
Culled from TheNation (except headline)